If answer A is correct, then God is not the omniscient guy the Jesuits told me he was, for he didn’t know that Lucifer would someday become the Devil. But if answer B is correct, then God is the part-time sadist we contemplated in possibility No.1, for he knew in advance that Lucifer would someday become the Devil and would someday come to Earth to torture us all, yet He still went ahead and created him.

But, again, let’s not be too hard on Mr. God. Let’s set aside the fact that he’s not the omniscient guy the Jesuits told me he was. Let’s disregard the fact that he doesn’t always know what he’s doing and that, therefore, he’s entitled to make a big blunder every once in a while. So one day, out of the alleged infinite goodness in his heart, God created Lucifer expecting him to be His masterpiece, but the ungrateful twerp eventually gave Him the finger and went ahead and became the Devil.

So God blew it on this count. Big blunder, no? And now what?  Is He just going to sit there and watch his former Morning Star go around raising havoc, reaping war, pestilence and famine across the world with impunity? Will He allow Lucifer and his Storm Troopers to continue trying to snatch our souls forever? Isn’t there anything God can do about this?

Well, if God were indeed as omnipotent as the priests told me he was, there’s a couple of basic things he could do. For example, he could give Lucifer an ultimatum; make him an offer he can’t refuse: “Listen here, Luci, I had enough of you going around torturing my Earthlings and doing Extraordinary Renditions on their souls. I’m the Boss here, remember? And anyway, your shenanigans are useless. Haven’t you read My Book where it says that in the end I win? So let’s cut to the chase and let's call the whole thing off right away, OK? Otherwise I’ll pulverize your soul back into nothingness. Do I make myself clear?” And the Devil would understand, would take an early retirement and would never bother us again.

Or if God were in a more conciliatory mood, he could summon Lucifer to his heavenly palace, have him kneel before Him and, touching Lucifer’s shoulder with the Divine version of Excalibur, He could tell him: “OK Luci, I hereby turn you into a sweet and adorable God-loving guy.” And voila! The benighted Devil would see the light and would become our dearest friend.

Or, ultimately, if everything else failed, God could simply snap his fingers and Shazam! The Devil would disappear forever.

But why doesn’t the God of the Bible do any of that? Is it because he can’t do it? Is it because he really isn’t omnipotent? Apparently so, for if he could do it, but refused to do it, he would have to be the sadist we described in possibility No.1, no?

And so we’re back to square one. Either the God of the Bible is a part-time sadist, or he’s neither omniscient nor omnipotent. 

But there’s a third alternative to the Jesuits’ God: The possibility that he doesn’t exist. For if such God existed, he wouldn’t be the One and Only God that the priests told me he was. By necessity, such relatively powerless God (he’s unable to get rid of Satan) would have to share celestial power with other Gods, good and bad alike, including the Devil. But I don’t think the Jesuits and their ilk would be ready to recant on their One and Only God anytime soon. Something tells me they would rather sweep these questions under the rug forever.